The Nights Are The Worst, Don’t You Think?

I couldn’t sleep.

I know well enough why. My thoughts grew louder as much as my heartbeats. Filling the void that was once occupied by you. I tried to push back my thoughts— ”It’s okay. It’s okay,” I repeatedly told myself, but I’m tired.

Tired of all things—of all things I lost and of all things uncertain. I wanted to get away from everything, but how could I? My family relies on me now more than ever. I couldn’t afford to take a break as time is money and I need to make a living.

I needed you too.

The nights are the worst without you, don’t you think?

I keep reaching out to your side of the bed only to find out it was cold and empty. It’s been half a year since you left, and they said things would get better in time, but I don’t think they will, at least for me. Maybe when you come back, it will.

Are you thinking about me? Just like how I think of you now?

I remember that one night before you left, just when you thought I was sleeping, you watched me sleep. Lightly held my cheeks, I wouldn’t have woken up until I heard you cry. So I pulled you into a hug and cried with you.

I could tell you, “I miss you.” And I don’t think that’ll ever let you know and feel how much I do. The skies were grey without you, but I always tell you I had a great day.

My phone keeps beeping, receiving notifications from the group chat on a get-together tomorrow. I feel too tired but I need to show up. I need to live each day and hold on to these things that somehow lessen how lonely I feel right now.

If I only have one wish right now, it’s to have you by my side. Today and for the rest of my life. How about you? What would you wish for?